WARNING: Satire Ahead
Do you teach a useless subject? Sure you do! Whether your subject is Writing, History, Geology, or the antiquated study of Statistics, we all know that as a teacher, it can be tough when your students think your subject is useless. You probably spend hours crafting lesson plans, researching, watching videos, and combing through your professional development notes to make your material engaging, only to have your students yawn and check their phones during class. Some even fall asleep! But fear not! Here are some helpful tips for what to do once you realize how pointless your subject really is.
Tip #1 Embrace the Uselessness
If your students think your subject is useless, why fight it? It’s just a losing battle anyways. Embrace the pointlessness and turn it into a joke! Start each class by saying, "Welcome to [Insert Your Useless Subject Here] 101: Because You Needed Another Class to Sleep Through." Make jokes about how no one will ever use this information in the real world. Use a parallel universe for all your applications! Your students may laugh along, or not. At least you’ll be having fun.
Tip #2 Bribery
Students are simple, people. Don’t be afraid to bribe them with what they want! No, not grades. Food! Will your administration support this? Probably not. Will this cut into your already pitiful pay? Absolutely! Will your students look forward to your pointless class because of the promise of cheap processed food? You bet!
Tip #3 Guest Speakers
Why not invite someone with real experience in your subject to talk to your disengaged scholars? After all, guest speakers know your subject way better than you do. After all, they actually use it in the real world (not the parallel one you created for your class examples in Tip #1). And why stop there? You could even bring in someone from a completely unrelated field, just to mix things up. Who knows - maybe a baker can explain how your useless algebra class relates to baking a cake.
Tip #4 Pop Culture References
If you're teaching a subject that your students think is useless, it's probably because they don't see how it relates to their life. Try bringing in popular culture to inspire them! Don’t waste your time with old movies, songs, or celebrities. Those are as useless as your subject. For example, if you're teaching history, compare the fall of the Roman Empire to Game of Thrones. Kids love gory, expletive-filled films and music, so give them what they want! You never know, your students may be more interested in the material if they get to hear a few bars of their favorite rap song.
Tip #5 Give Them a Break
Sometimes, your students may just need a break from your subject. They work so hard on useful subjects, why not give them some free time in your useless class? Give them a day off if they're feeling overwhelmed, stressed, or just plain bored. Maybe two days. Heck, make it a week! Spend a class period doing something completely different - take them on a field trip, gossip about the latest school drama, play games, or bring back the arts and crafts. With budget cuts to the arts, they need some enriching creative time anyways. Sometimes, stepping away from the material can give them a renewed appreciation for your subject.
Let's be serious for a minute.
We all know our subjects, be they history, math, science, literature, visual arts, photography, drama, or physical education, are essential for myriad reasons. Maybe our students won’t need to calculate the cotangent of a curve when they are working in human resources one day in the distant future, but they will need to know how to follow directions, problem-solve, and defend their answers. As teachers, we intimately understand these connections.
Our students don’t.
Even the students who apply themselves to school don’t truly understand the intricacies of the connections between their academics and the future skills they will need to refine. Meet your students where they are by making your subject fun. Sometimes a little self-deprecation goes a long way when you are creating a positive report with your students. Give them a practical application for the lessons you teach them. In other words, bring the skills you are using in your classroom to more relevant, real-world situations. Show them how they can see the lessons you teach them reflected or used in contexts they understand - movies, music, video games, and yes, even silly dance videos. Finally, don’t underestimate the power of slowing down. Our students lead full lives, just like we do. The older our students get, the more real life will start encroaching on their academic life. Show them empathy by allowing them grace the same way you give it to yourself.
Here is some validation, some food for thought, and some perspective:
1. Your subject is not useless.
2. Your students’ disengagement is not personal.
3. Your students will remember the connection you make with them more than any fact or figure you can teach them, and most of them will never tell you.
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